sonder

/ˈsɑndɚ/

Etymology

Coined by American author and neologist John Koenig in 2012, whose project, The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, aims to come up with new words for emotions that currently lack names. Inspired by German sonder- (“special”) and French sonder (“to probe”).

Why this word is great

SONDER — [Noun] The vertiginous realization that each passerby carries an inner life as vivid and intricate as your own. Coined by John Koenig in 2012, blending German sonder- ("special") and French sonder ("to probe"). Unlike "sympathy" (which projects your own feelings outward) or "anonymity" (which renders others faceless), sonder is the humbling collapse of perceived separateness. It is the taxi driver humming off-key to a song you’ll never learn; the barista’s chipped nail polish hinting at a morning you didn’t witness; the librarian’s faint frown as she reshelves a book you’ll never read—all of them protagonists in epic narratives where you appear, at most, as a blur in the background. The streets teem with soliloquies you’ll never hear.

noun

  1. The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it.“I had a sonder, a realization that the random girl sitting next to me inside of Starbucks might have a fantastic life or she might be dealing with a very ill family member.”